Jupiter

I think I’ve written before about Jupiter, one of my favorite pieces of classical music by Gustav Holst.  But I would like to bring it up again, because there’s something about this music that I find so deeply healing.  Madeleine L’Engle writes in her book Walking on Water:  Reflections on Faith and Art about the cosmos and the chaos. “Stories are able to help us to become more whole, to become Named.  And Naming is one of the impulses behind all art; to give a name to the cosmos, we see despite all the chaos.”  We can create cosmos out of chaos, she says.

In the beginning of Jupiter, we hear chaos.  We hear the broken fragments of a melody, sped up and rearranged.  If you’re listening for the first time, you might be tempted to skip over the first three minutes, to fast forward to the “good part”.  You don’t know exactly when or how, but you have a the sense that something else is coming.

Then, everything becomes quiet and you hear the melody.  This is what everything was building to all along, and you begin to understand the broken pieces.  You might recognize now that the bits of chaos in the beginning were all parts of this melody in a less-recognizable form.  Holst created cosmos out of chaos.

But then, just when you’re expecting the very final note of this great recognizable melody, the chaos comes back again.  Even after you got to the place where you began to understand, the resolution is missing.  It’s not until the very end that you hear the tonic chord and the final resolution, but even then, it’s much more chaotic and exciting than you might like.

Music can teach us so much about life—about melodies and resolutions, and the way beauty can be created out of dissonance and chaos.  I always laugh when I hear about the way the early church used to ban certain dissonant chords and intervals from being used in church music because they believed the act of praising God should always be beautiful and full of pretty major chords and resolutions.  I think sometimes the church still holds on to this idea—the idea that we have to hide the dissonance.  However, when Jesus says “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden”, I always imagine him saying “Bring me your chaos. Bring me your imperfection, your broken pieces, your honesty.”  We don’t have to cover up the parts of our lives that aren’t resolved.

I just hope that one day we can get to the other side of whatever trouble we are facing and say “I understand now.”  We may not have reached the final resolution, but we can know that the chaos was part of the cosmos.

One Word 2015

“We must learn to reawaken and keep ourselves awake, not by mechanical aids, but by an infinite expectation of the dawn, which does not forsake us even in our soundest sleep. I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by a conscious endeavour. It is something to be able to paint a particular picture, or to carve a statue, and so to make a few objects beautiful; but it is far more glorious to carve and paint the very atmosphere and medium through which we look, which morally we can do. To affect the quality of the day, that is the highest of arts.” – Henry David Thoreau, Walden

This year, I am participating in One Word 365.

It was hard to think about what I want to be this year. I can make a big long list of the things I want to happen to me, but it was harder to think about what I want to do myself. It’s hard to envision a life for myself when so much of it is outside of my control.

Even if everything goes wrong, what do I want to be anyway?  

My life in 2014 was made up of moments.  Some of which I noticed, and some I missed.  Time has been going by so quickly this year that I’m afraid I’ll blink and miss this year completely.  This year, I want to be surprised.  I want to find a job. I want to be loved.  But even if it all turns to dust, I want to be awake.  

And so my One Word for 2015 is Awake.

I want to live with my eyes open. Not numbing myself with shallow joy or laughing to forget it all. I don’t want to spend my days being tired and bored. Being awake could mean taking better care of myself. Going to bed earlier, eating more than spaghetti and takeout, and being more active. It could mean capturing moments: photographing, writing, reflecting. I’m probably one of the only people in the world who made a New Year’s Resolution to post more on Instagram.

When we are awake, we can see more clearly.  2015 is here, and I don’t want to miss any of it.

awake

In case you missed this, you can subscribe to my blog to receive a free ebook, I will call this place home: Essays from Guatemala.  I’d love to stay in touch this year!  

A Spiritual Identity Crisis

I was that kid in high school.  

You know, the one who always took on leadership roles in youth group and memorized scripture in my spare time and brought my Bible to school and got into theological arguments at the lunch table over pizza slices and curly fries.  Needless to say, I wasn’t invited to many parties.  After graduation, I fell out of touch with most of my friends, and honestly, I don’t wonder why. Instead of inspiring me to love and accept others and form deeper relationships, my interpretation of Christianity pushed me away from authentic connection.

Later, I became angry.

I took issue with those Christians who see other humans simply as “outreach opportunities.”  I’ve distanced myself from the evangelism mentality to the point where I go out of my way not to bring up my beliefs in conversation.  Instead of singing “I once was lost, and now I’m found”, I sometimes joke that “I once was found, and now I’m lost.”

continue reading at the rising

Until the Son of God Appear

emmanuel

The season of Advent is one of my favorite times of the year, though for me it’s also one of the busiest. But it seems that all of the wishing and hoping and praying and waiting I do during the other eleven months of the year is more meaningful during this season. In more modern language, we could probably re-name this season as “The season of waiting”. [Read more…]

To Pray

On Sunday mornings, I don’t always look forward to dragging myself out of bed to walk a mile to a 9:00 service and a congregation of five other people. But I still do. And each Sunday morning, this small Episcopal congregation opens up the Book of Common Prayer to the same worn-out page.

Almighty God, to you all hearts are open, all desires known,
and from you no secrets are hid: Cleanse the thoughts of our
hearts by the inspiration of your Holy Spirit, that we may
perfectly love you, and worthily magnify your holy Name;
through Christ our Lord. Amen.

[Read more…]

To be Quiet

Here in Guatemala, it’s a Sunday of rest. My life has suddenly gotten monumentally busy in the past couple of weeks, which is a good thing. It’s good that I’m working, accomplishing things, learning Spanish, spending time with friends, re-vamping my website, but there hasn’t been much time for quiet.  But today, there’s soup on the stove and my relaxing music playlist on my iPod, and there’s quiet.

I would like to share something with you that I’ve been working on, and I’d love to hear some feedback. For the past couple of months, I’ve been working on a collection of essays, which I hope to release all together in December. Here are the first two chapters, let me know what you think! [Read more…]

Finding Joy in Right Now

My senior year of high school, I started a countdown on my wall. I tired of high school—tired of my friends, tired of my mediocre public school, tired of my $6/hour job scooping ice cream, tired of my life in the town where I had lived for the past seventeen and a half years. I dreamed about what kind of person I would be in college and somehow imagined myself being better looking, having a magnetic personality, dating attractive college guys, and going on lots of exciting adventures.

continue reading at single roots

The Great Experiment

A couple months ago, I watched a documentary about the Tiny House movement.

It featured several people who are simplifying their lives by building tiny houses.  In addition the many advantages of living in a tiny house, such as designing your own space and avoiding a costly mortgage, one tiny house owner talks about “treating life as an experiment, rather than a series of dead-end decisions.”  When I heard that, something clicked for me.

Over the past few years, I have run into plenty of dead-ends.  Dead-end jobs, dead-end ambitions, dead-end relationships.  As hard as I’ve tried to make wise decisions, I keep coming back to “What did I do wrong?”  I assumed if I was really following “God’s will for my life”, it would be working out better.

But what if I wasn’t wrong?  What if I was supposed to try and fail?  

Continue Reading at The Rising

On Finding Your Calling

Hi, I’m Becca, and I’ve had ten jobs in five years.

From teaching to church ministry to floral arranging to sports retail—I’ve done it all. I spent a semester as an art student. I’ve moved six times, most recently to Central America. Clearly, I am not one to give career advice. In fact, I could probably write a book about how not to succeed in life. 

continue reading at single roots

Thoughts on Community

I live in a community.  Literally, as in I share a kitchen and two bathrooms with six other people.  Seven people, sharing space, food, and a shower that you have to light with a match.  (That’s what “gas heated water” means in Guatemala). 

Community has meant lots of different things to me over the years.  Community has meant and summer cookouts and movie nights and Goodwill shopping.  Community has meant church. Community has meant shared meals and $3 bottles of wine.  

Last week in my little church in Guatemala, the lesson was from Romans chapter 12, and it reminded me of some thoughts on community I wrote a few years ago while I was living in Indiana.  [Read more…]