Where is God in our Relationships?

I’ve been trying to write about relationships, but I keep running into the same roadblock.  I try so hard to be optimistic about life, but for a few minutes, allow me to express my frustration. 

I love the parts of the Bible where God chooses the humblest of people to accomplish the greatest things.  He chose Moses, the guy with identity issues and a serious fear of public speaking to lead the Israelites back to their homeland.  And let’s not forget that when Jesus was born, it was announced to the poor shepherds before the great rulers.  The angel appeared to them and said “For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.”  This savior came for the ones who are poor, who are oppressed, for the ones who society rejects.

The entire ministry of Jesus was much the same, from the time he went to eat with Zaccheus the short little tax collector to all the times he healed the blind and the sick and the lepers.  I love the stories when God lifts up the underdog, when he makes it known to the world that this person, the one you probably overlooked is the one I am going to work through.  This is the God I know and love—the one who said in the Sermon on the Mount “the last shall be first, and the first shall be last”

But most of the time, when we talk about how God is involved in our dating relationships, I don’t recognize him anymore.  Mostly, I see a God who gives a lot of bad dating advice. This is the God who says he will bring you the right person “in his perfect timing”, which is usually when we’re not looking.  And God’s timing is worth the wait, even if we’re waiting until we’re 85.

When I see the women who are getting married before I am, I can’t help but notice that most of them have straighter teeth and wear smaller pants.  And when I examine my own heart, I am just as guilty, knowing that I too have passed up a few guys who I’m just not attracted to.  While I know there are exceptions, nobody can deny that in general, the people who society views as more attractive are grabbed up sooner.  I know we could probably debate for days about the role of attraction in dating, we could go back and forth about personal responsibility vs. genetics when it comes to “taking care of yourself”, and we could swap stories about all the reasons we’ve loved someone other than their level of physical attraction.  But honestly, that’s not really my point. 

My point is this:  Knowing the character of God, can we really believe that God is perfectly orchestrating our relationships?  Because I feel like so many of my issues with God and with Christianity over the years have stemmed from the belief that he is playing favorites.  Even when it comes to basic provisions, I think we’re too quick to assume that it is God’s will for us to be eating Thanksgiving leftovers for a week and a half while we have neighbors who are waiting in line at the food bank.  Is this really the way that God works? 

I don’t know if there’s really an answer to this question, but I still feel like it’s worth asking.  I think it’s worth re-evaluating how much of a role God plays in the way we choose a husband or a wife.  We can either admit that we have more autonomy than we think when we choose to love people who society views as beautiful and desirable, or we have to admit that our choices aren’t always a good reflection of God’s true character. 

And so, I’m asking for your thoughts.  How big of a role do you think God plays in our dating relationships and the people who we choose to love?

What I’ve Learned Traveling Alone

This is coming from a girl who sometimes gets depressed staying in a hotel by myself when I’m traveling for an out-of-town wedding. For me, moving to another country was always on my after marriage list. But somehow, at the age of 25, I found myself getting on a plane, trying to overcome the tightness in my chest and fear of being stranded alone in Guatemala when I know exactly three phrases in Spanish.


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To be Quiet

Here in Guatemala, it’s a Sunday of rest. My life has suddenly gotten monumentally busy in the past couple of weeks, which is a good thing. It’s good that I’m working, accomplishing things, learning Spanish, spending time with friends, re-vamping my website, but there hasn’t been much time for quiet.  But today, there’s soup on the stove and my relaxing music playlist on my iPod, and there’s quiet.

I would like to share something with you that I’ve been working on, and I’d love to hear some feedback. For the past couple of months, I’ve been working on a collection of essays, which I hope to release all together in December. Here are the first two chapters, let me know what you think! [Read more…]

Finding Joy in Right Now

My senior year of high school, I started a countdown on my wall. I tired of high school—tired of my friends, tired of my mediocre public school, tired of my $6/hour job scooping ice cream, tired of my life in the town where I had lived for the past seventeen and a half years. I dreamed about what kind of person I would be in college and somehow imagined myself being better looking, having a magnetic personality, dating attractive college guys, and going on lots of exciting adventures.

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The Great Experiment: Post for The Rising

A couple months ago, I watched a documentary about the Tiny House movement.

It featured several people who are simplifying their lives by building tiny houses.  In addition the many advantages of living in a tiny house, such as designing your own space and avoiding a costly mortgage, one tiny house owner talks about “treating life as an experiment, rather than a series of dead-end decisions.”  When I heard that, something clicked for me.

Over the past few years, I have run into plenty of dead-ends.  Dead-end jobs, dead-end ambitions, dead-end relationships.  As hard as I’ve tried to make wise decisions, I keep coming back to “What did I do wrong?”  I assumed if I was really following “God’s will for my life”, it would be working out better.

But what if I wasn’t wrong?  What if I was supposed to try and fail?  Continue Reading

Life Experiments: A Lifelong Commitment

This week, I would like to introduce you to Valerie Moreno, who regularly blogs at Nuance and Bubbles.  She enjoys writing about life and relationships, and she is graciously sharing her story this week about making a lifelong commitment.

 More than a ring, a life long commitment

Everyone loves a good love story. I remember the day my husband and I decided to post on social media that we were engaged, it felt like Facebook and Instagram were going to crash because of all the traffic and commotion it caused. I remember all the attention we got and the love that people expressed by supporting our union, wishing us well and spoiling us with gifts. If you haven’t experienced this do not despair; this post is not about that, you probably know someone around you that has.

[Read more…]

To be Heard

This week, I am participating in the #Fireworkpeople blog tour.

We all want to have a voice. We want people to listen to what we have to say and tell us our words are important.  As a result, we have a celebrity-obsessed culture that judges your value based on how many people listen.  No matter what you are actually saying, if you have millions of twitter followers, you must be important.  [Read more…]

To be Seen

Some days remind me of this quote from my favorite movie.

Or have you ever, like, seen somebody? And you knew that, if only that person really knew you, they would, well, they would of course dump the perfect model that they were with, and realize that you were the one that they wanted to, just, grow old with. 

When Sandra Bullock’s character in While You Were Sleeping falls in love with a man she doesn’t even know, she wishes more than anything just to be seen.  Not just glanced at, but really seen.  Because there’s a difference after all between being seen and being seen [Read more…]

On Finding Your Calling

Hi, I’m Becca, and I’ve had ten jobs in five years.

From teaching to church ministry to floral arranging to sports retail—I’ve done it all. I spent a semester as an art student. I’ve moved six times, most recently to Central America. Clearly, I am not one to give career advice. In fact, I could probably write a book about how not to succeed in life. 

continue reading at single roots